Do Not Be Afraid
When I was young I was an anxious kid. My anxiety started in my tweens and I'm still working through it today. I grew up in the church. Actually, I didn’t just grow up in the church… our whole family life was church. I was a missionary kid beginning at age ten. Oh and if you are sensing a correlation between when my family became missionaries and the beginning of my journey with anxiety, then you are connecting dots that took me years to figure out.
It is was very tricky growing up as an anxious kid in the church. I didn’t even have language for what it was; I was just a kid that was afraid all the time. However, being afraid just didn’t make sense in my ethos. My parents moved my sister and me around the globe to serve the one, true God. He was powerful! He wanted people all over the world to know Him. So, if I already knew Him, how could I possibly be afraid?! And with that very thought, shame found a very sure footing in my soul.
Throughout the Bible, God keeps telling us not to be afraid or anxious. It seems to be a pretty key message from Him. Depending on how you read the Word, it can sound demanding or shaming if you are, in fact, anxious:
”Don't be anxious for anything.” —Philippians 4:4
“Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?” —Mark 4:40
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.” —Matthew 6:34
Wait.
What’s gonna happen tomorrow?!…
These are all verses I knew so well, and yet I was still a young kid riddled with anxiety that I couldn't figure out how to get rid of. Surely the only answer for me was to project the best version of a “good Christian” that I could muster and not reveal the storm that was happening inside.
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moving in freedom
As an adult, I’m learning to embody these verses. And that’s a beautiful thing. They used to ignite my shame, but now they are an invitation into the heart of my good and loving Heavenly Father. Through my blessed counselor, I am learning more about my story and gaining understanding into how my brain works.
It turns out, my anxiety has a really sensible origin story.
Anxiety is a physical response in my body, and there are tools I can use to relieve the feelings and calm my whole self down. When I have the courage to be honest about what is going on inside — with the people I know make me feel safe — I can experience the most relief. These dear friends and accountability partners are the ones who remind me of who I am and show me who God is.
I was an anxious kid, but some kids are angry, sad, or depressed. We live in a broken world and kids experience that reality every day. As parents, sometimes it’s our pain and brokenness that initiates our child’s painful patterns. We have the potential to do just as much harm as we have to do good. I believe that is precisely what God is talking about when He introduces the idea of generational sin: pain and brokenness continues from generation to generation until it is mended through the incarnation of the Gospel.
We have have been given power — both through Jesus’ death and resurrection and in the Holy Spirit. It’s our job as parents allow the Gospel to heal our own broken places, and then to help our kids discover the reality of the Kingdom. We get to invite our child into a front row seat for the wild and amazing reality that is offered in God’s Kingdom… and give them tools and language to experience its richness and color here on Earth. We all want our child to experience comfort, healing and peace; to move in freedom.
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living with integrity
So, how do you deal with your nervous system’s upheaval with feelings like anger, sadness, depression, fear, and anxiety?
God commands us not to be anxious. He says that those who mourn are blessed. He says to us: go ahead and be angry… just don’t sin. If all of that is true, then it seems like the experience of those feelings have a place, and that place is both safe and holy.
God knows your feelings exist and that you need to deal with them. He doesn’t want you to hide them away. Instead, He wants you to bring them into the light so you can move through them. Therefore, you must make a place for these feelings, especially in your family, a place that is safe and holy.
For the month of October, our weekly Kids Worship focused on the topic of integrity: being truthful in whatever we say and do. We introduced the concept that it’s important to be the same person when we are by ourselves, with our parents, our friends, at school, on the sidewalk, and behind closed doors, and even with God. It means to be honest, no matter what.
Honesty isn’t always just “not lying.” It is also being vulnerable about our own, personal, internal experience. Revealing the deepest parts ourselves to those that care about us and who we feel are safe. And remember, God is always safe.
Watch our recent TGC Kids Worship broadcasts:
October 4: Who’s Got It? God’s Got It!
October 11: How Are You Feeling?
October 18: How to be Truthful
October 25: Focus on What is True
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embracing your feelings
As parents, we must also be the safest place our kids can find. We need to be a safe haven where our kids can be the truest versions of themselves. We must teach them how, in wisdom, to be that version of themselves out in the world… even if that means being angry, sad, or afraid. When we let them know that these feelings are totally acceptable, and that they are loved when they are experience them, we move the needle (of their maturity and security) forward.
God is not afraid of our big feelings and we can't be afraid of them in ourselves or in our kids either. We can't squash them or limit them, because, here’s the thing: God never will!
It’s ok if this still doesn’t feel true for you. It’s ok if you don't feel safe expressing these things to God right now.
However, you do have that freedom. You are safe. Even if you are still learning how do to do this, you must communicate this safety — both to yourself and to your kids — so that your family might grow up with a greater dose of freedom and with less baggage with God. We aren’t born with baggage. It’s piled on throughout our lives. And your child isn’t triggered naturally by the same things that trigger you.
It took me so long in my life to understand that God is the perfect parent; He’s not just some bigger version of my imperfect parents. It’s ok to let our kids in on that truth. We are never gonna be perfect, but we do know the One who is.
When we bring God our fears, when we tell Him how sad or devastated we are, we will always be met with an unfailing kindness, a quiet gentleness, and a perfect love.
Is that how we meet our kids? No, not really, not always. Because we are not perfect parents like God. We are all going to fail at this, because we have human capacity, not divine capacity. However, with a little bit of knowledge and a few tools, we can expand our capacity to be the an example to our children of what God is for each of us.
part two:
How the Brain Works
In Part Two, explore the “hand model of the brain” and learn some new techniques for how to access the peace of God both in your life and for your child.
More resources:
finding freedom
You can explore the entire “Finding Freedom” collection of resources for parents, including more articles, videos, and podcasts.
