This article is written by our own Mary Castillejos, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker who specializes in working with children, with suggestions on how to talk to young children about what’s going on in the world right now. We trust parents and those who work with children will find it helpful.
Introduction
It is important to communicate to children in an age-appropriate way why life is different, school is closed, and parents are busy figuring out how to manage all of this. Here are some ideas on how to support your children during this time.
Have a Family Meeting
Before your meeting, think about how your child(ren) are affected by this pandemic. What has changed in her / his daily routine? What is it like to be her / him right now? Sit together away from distractions and turn off all screens and sounds. Your child might be able to listen best while working on a puzzle or drawing. This can be lighthearted and informal. Keep information limited to the present moment and small chunks of time, and focused on your child. These are uncertain times for us, but the important message to give our children is that we will keep taking care of them and keep them safe, even when we feel vulnerable and unsure.
See below for an example of what you might say.
Limit the News Exposure
Children are listening and paying attention — often when we think they are not! They tune in extra closely when their grown-ups are concerned or worried. Protect them from the news right now. Try to keep all news on TV or radio away from where they can hear it. If you must watch / listen while they are around, give a reassuring explanation of what is happening, such as, “I’m watching the Mayor on TV and he is giving us ideas on how to keep everyone safe from germs.”
Set a Daily Routine
And then try to stick to it, but be flexible. It might be easiest to make it each morning, and draw some very simple pictures representing activities for the day. Include the basics, like “Eat Breakfast” and “Brush Teeth” and simple things like “Make Cookies” or “Call Grandma.” Children thrive on routine. Often, knowing what to expect decreases challenging behavior. So make a loose plan, and then switch it up if you need to, but go back to your chart and tell them when things need to change. Also, the family rules you have are extra important right now. This is not the time to have ice cream for breakfast. Those established boundaries give children security, and even if they have big tantrums over it, they are grateful for them. (I know, this is easier said than done. Hang in there.)
Be Gracious
Be gracious, to yourself and your family. We’ve never done any of this before! None of us have ever home-schooled while we worked from home in the midst of a pandemic. None of us know what the day ahead will hold, or how to manage all of this at once. We are figuring it out as we go. Take one day, or one hour, at a time. Children are the experts at staying attuned to the present moment, and we can learn from them.
Practice Joy
What do you and your children enjoy doing together? DO THAT. Even if it is a very modified version. Find delight together. Build it into your daily routine, even if it’s just fifteen minutes of sitting on the floor together doing puzzles or playing babies. Have a family dance party, play restaurant for dinner, dress-up in silly clothes. Get creative, and let your child’s imagination lead the way into joyful connection. (It’s a great stress-reducer for us adults, too.)
An Example of Language for the Family Meeting
I want to talk to you about something important. Some people are sick right now with something called the Coronavirus. You might have heard people talking about this. We want to be extra careful right now to help us be healthy. Doctors and teachers and parents are working hard to keep everyone safe.
Things are going to be different for a little while. For right now, we are not going to school. No one is going to be at your school, because school is closed. This is because we do not want to share germs just in case someone is sick. (List other activities that are closed, too, such as ballet, soccer, after school, etc). We are going to stay home a lot more than we usually do. This is one of the things that we can do to keep our bodies healthy. People all over New York City are staying home more so we don’t spread germs.
We are also going to keep washing our hands a lot! That helps wash the germs off of our fingers. Our eyes, ears, nose and mouth are like doors for germs to go inside our bodies, so we’re also going to try hard to not touch our faces. But you can still rub your knees! You can clap your hands, or tickle your toes. (Child might want to list more…)
We are going to keep cleaning at home a lot, too. You can help! (A wet rag on a chair, wall, or floor will often keep a preschooler delightfully occupied for a while).
We are going to have a lot more time together as a family. We can think about some fun things to do and make a list together.
You might have a lot of thoughts, feelings and questions about all of this. You can talk to me about all of your feelings and questions. Is there anything you want to ask me right now?
We have a lot of love in our family and will keep taking good care of each other.
Mary Castillejos, LCSW, M.S.Ed, is a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in infant and early childhood mental health. In addition to trauma-informed treatment services for children and families, she leads parenting groups and provides training and consultation for classroom teachers. Mary holds two master’s degrees, one in social work from Hunter College and one in Infant and Parent Development from Bank Street Graduate School of Education. Before her work as a clinician, Mary was a classroom teacher in private nursery school and UPK settings in Manhattan.
