Hi Friends,
I wonder if you are like me? If you are then each day is a new adventure. Some days it feels like it’s all managable. We will have a great day at “school,” there is peace in my heart, and I make an amazing nutritious dinner. Then the next day — I feel like a ball of anxiety, the whole house is a bucket of crabby apples, there is only yelling and gnashing of teeth during school time and then we all just eat granola bars and goldfish. It’s a teeter totter (remember those), and I feel like I am gonna get bumped off! There is so much going on and so much to be aware of — it is too much.
You are doing school at home, all your meals at home, trying to work at home, oh and also, church at home. You went from being mom & dad to a full time: teacher, chef, personal trainer, therapist, referee, Sunday school leader, and more. Can we just take a minute collectively to acknowledge that this is crazy and you didn’t sign-up for this. (Breathe, breathe.) Good, we are together on that!
Not only is it practically and physically more than you can do, but your brain is in upheaval. This is traumatic. We are all going through trauma, and our brains are upside down because of it. Think of it this way — Someone came in to your house and moved everything over by 6 inches — without you knowing. Everything looks the same, but for some reason you keep bumping into everything and it seems exceedingly harder to get around. This is our brain right now.
You probably feel more tired, simple tasks seem difficult, your storehouse of patience seems drastically diminished, and anxiety and depression (or both) seem to be constantly knocking at your door. This is your brain in a crisis.
It feels hard right now because it is hard. This is the whole world’s first time through this. Brené Brown says it is a collective TFT (terrible first time). Any time we are new at something it’s hard. This time we are all new at this, it’s incredibly difficult , and it feels immensely uncomfortable. The only way through is to slow down and take notice, receive and activate grace, then proceed with renewed expectations.
Slow Down and Notice
The key to this is to slow way down, in your mind and your body. Take slow, deep breaths. Notice what feels the hardest, notice what you are believing about yourself, about God. Take an emotional inventory. Practice mindfulness. Do one thing at a time. Be slow and intentional.
Receive and Activate Grace
You are loved by a Gracious Heavenly Father who is abounding in love and kindness (Exodus 34:6). That is always true, and He is always there for you, but our brains don’t always feel this to be true. And if we can’t feel this to be true for ourselves, how can we offer it to others? We can’t. This is the way I think about it. We must activate the grace we have been given. And we can only activate it by repeating step one: slow down, take notice and receive it!
Slow down in the presence of our perfectly kind and loving Heavenly Father. Truly know how He sees us and that all the hard of the future is on His shoulders… not ours. Notice that He doesn’t expect you to be perfect, to have an infinite number of amazing activities for your kids, never ending patience, your house to be spotless, perfect food on the table, or even idyllic conversations with your spouse. He wants you to know : He knows your are human, life is hard (especially right) now, and that he Loves you. He wants you to move forward with Him, with His Holy Spirit.
Proceed with Renewed Expectations and Priorities
Ok, now you have accepted that your brain is upside down. You have let the Holy Spirit permeate your heart, mind and body with the Lord’s unfailing love and kindness. Now — we walk forward with renewed expectations. You can’t expect yourself to be ok, because you are not. You can’t expect yourself to be amazing at this, this is your first time doing all of this. Most importantly, you can not do it all, you must be realistic about what you can do and what you must do.
Here is what I would posture, you and your families emotional health is the most important thing during this time. If you prioritize that, the rest will fall into place. Choose game time over school work, choose a walk over another email, choose prayer and the Word over the news. All of those other things are important, you are just more important.
P.S. —
This is not a process you can do once and your good, this is a daily, moment by moment heart adjustment. It will become quicker and some days you will just need a brief check in with your heart. But this is like exercise — it only helps if we keep doing it!
P.P.S. —
Kids can smell multitasking like a dog can smell fear. If you just got kicked in the face playing legos while trying to sneaky text- that was their inarticulate way of expressing: “I wish you were here with me and only me!” Your text time is important. You can just let them know when it’s play time and when it’s text time! Boundaries take time to adjust to for everyone, but they can totally handle that, and your face will stay foot free!
Ok, Seriously, I am closing here —
I am praying for you and with you. This is a huge job. It would be a huge job on any old random day, but this is extreme. You must must must surround yourself with grace and then activate it for the others in your house. Freedom is contagious! When you take the time to peruse freedom you uniquely offer it to everyone you interact with.
Lord, bless my friends here with the feeling of being wrapped in your grace. May your Holy Sprit give them the wisdom and ability to activate it for other. Amen.
I love you friends! Send me pictures and videos! I miss your faces!
xo,
Elisa
Elisa Booker is Pastor of Children and Families at Trinity Grace Church Park Slope and co-founder of Parent Well. Her littles, Elizabeth and Benjamin, keep her humble and exploring. They along with her husband, Armistead, love names with more than seven letters and adventuring together around Brooklyn. She is passionate about seeing humans experiencing life free from shame and cooking really yummy food.
